When Letterman Ruled The Airwaves
From: email@example.com (Lazlo Nibble)
Subject: Re: RESULT: rec.music.light-rock fails 79: 49
Date: 13 May 1993 19:58:40 GMT
Organization: Vroom Socko International Fear Club
Top Ten Reasons Why I Voted "No" To rec.music.light-rock:
10) Group name too vague to clearly delineate intended topic.
9) Read proposed name as rec.music.matlock; thought group belonged in
8) Flamewars between "hardcore" '70s light-rock fans and '90s light-rock
"poseurs" already threaten to overwhelm available Usenet bandwidth.
7) Erland said to; unable to resist sinister Swedish mind-control technique.
6) "Light Rock FAQ" sounds too much like perky radio-station slogan.
5) Charter fails to specifically allow anonymous posting despite fact
that no sane person would post to group under real name.
4) No mention of "Air Supply" in Holy Qur'an.
3) Pictured Jay Maynard's head exploding; figured it was worth a shot.
2) There's always room for Jello! (Sorry, that one leaked over from the
"Ten Ten Reasons Why I Voted 'Yes' To rec.music.dead-kennedies.")
And the number-one reason why I voted "no" to rec.music.light-rock:
1) "Toto" and "Rush" both have four letters in name -- enough said.
About The Web
I'm convinced that the 'Abandon Hope...' inscription over the entrance to
Hell is a long, centered stream of blinking text in that insanely ugly font
whose lowercase letters are half the height of the uppercase.
Pogs are small cardboard discs stamped with artwork (superheroes, baseball
players, pretty colors) and impregnated with a new liquified variety of crack
cocaine. They are sold in comic shops, convenience stores, and street corners,
the target audience being impressionable 12-year-old boys who like to "slam"
them, throw them at each other, and lick them so they'll stick to their
foreheads. Several children in the US have lost eyes to this "sport." After a
year or two of exposure to pogs (or, as the banners draped across the front of
every laundromat in America read, POGS), children are encouraged to move on to
"harder stuff," like Magic: The Gathering and X-Files fandom. At this point,
the government just rounds the kids up and ships them to strategically located
Tourism to this country is strongly discouraged at the moment.
The Nature Of Truth
If it's not an urban legend, I'll eat a bug. [link]
One Brief Shining Moment Of Fame
(As seen in Wired 4.02)
Ha ha ha...Uh, I Don't Get It
A friend of mine told me the other day that Sonny Bono was thinking of running
for the Senate in California. If Sonny Bono becomes Senator Bono, does that
mean we have to find a different nickname for Teddy Kennedy?